Wednesday, January 27, 2010

I've Got One...A New Habit

I just realized that I've developed a habit...and not a bad habit either. A good, productive, helpful one!

I have realized (by griping at my husband for not doing this) that I've gotten in the habit of taking something and putting it away every time I get up off the couch. Yay me!

Now, this may not seem like a lot to you, but this one habit has kept my living room from turning into a complete dumping ground! It's where we do everything! And you know that the room you spend the most time in gets the most love...messy love.

We have a sectional with a chaise. EVERYTHING piles up on the chaise. No one sits on it, it's used for a myriad of other things. It's my table for feeding the baby (and myself), the place where I hide the remote, my desk and workstation (the computer sits here), and my coffee table (where I sit my drinks). So, as you can imagine, things pile up here. Especially dishes, soda cans, tissues, books, paper, pens, clothes and a million other things. And usually, it just piles up. But for the past few weeks I've been taking something with me every single time I get up from the couch. Whether it be a dish, trash, dirty clothes, toys or whatever. And it works! I'm so excited that I'm actually sticking with something!

The sectional and living room stay relatively clutter free because I just do a little at a time. Makes me wonder what other things I could do a little at time. Hmmm? Laundry, decluttering, dishes, cleaning....there's probably a million things. But for now, I'm satisfied that I've developed this ONE.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Feelin' Good!

I'm feeling pretty good today.

Hopeful, excited, cute...

I started my very own home based business today and can't tell you how excited I am for this! I have been wanting to start up something for a while now. I don't want to work full time, but want to earn a little money to pay off a medical bill from last year and to make the payments on my student loans. This business just makes me goose-pimply because it's all about giving and loving on people...and that's what I'm all about!

This is a step in the right direction to marking stuff off of that horrible sahmbie list of mine...the one that says "Pursue my own desires and dreams more fervently." Don't we all need some of those? Desires and dreams of our own? Some passion? I know it should be enough to be passionate about my God, my child, my home and my husband, and I am. They get me up every day and keep me from feeling totally worthless. But I want something just for me that I've worked for and can be proud of. There's nothing wrong with that. Especially when I know this business will bring so much joy to others!

My hero is the Proverbs 31 woman. And in Proverbs 31 there are several verses that indicate that this woman uses her talents and skills to contribute to her family's income. Check out these verses:

16 She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.18 She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. 24 She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes.

Isn't she cool? Read all of it to see what a dynamo this woman is! I want to be her!

Oh and I'm feeling cute today because I went out and bought a few shirts yesterday (and a belt to hold up my pants!). I saw lots of those peasant type shirts and had a few in my hand. But, I already have so many of those, so I put them back. I wanted to get a few things that didn't make me feel so frumpy. So, I found these short, puffy sleeved button-up shirts and I bought 4 in all different colors: red and white polka-dots, black and white plaid, solid orange and orange and white stripes.

Here's me in my cute, new, red and white shirt and favorite pearls.

Sorry you can't see more, but it's hard taking a full body shot of yourself! LOL

This is going to be a great, productive week! I can feel it!!!

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Reflecting on the First Month

Sorry I haven't posted much this week. Instead of blabbing about a bunch of lame excuses, I'll just say this...I didn't feel like it. Again...that's a lot of my problem, not feeling like doing anything. I'm my own worst enemy it seems...

I just wanted to let you know that I'm still here and we are nearing the one month mark for this blog. I will confess that I am not out of sahmbie mode quite yet...not even close. I still don't have the momentum I need to move forward the way I would like. Seeing the new Spring fashions at the mall gave me a little nudge, but it didn't give me that push that I need to really get moving. But I think this feeling of frustration with myself will be the driving force that makes me get off my rear and do this already. I'm really getting tired of talking about it...enough talking already Ang. Get up and do something!

But on a positive note, I have made some measurable changes the past few weeks that are a step in the right direction. I AM brushing my teeth, I AM getting dressed, I AM combing my hair and I AM washing my face and putting on lip balm pretty much every day. I WANT to do it. It feels soooo good to wash and moisturize my face in the morning that if I don't do it, I miss it. So, I'm on the right track. Yay for personal hygiene! LOL

One thing I want to do tomorrow is go out and get some decently attractive clothes to wear around the house so I don't feel like a slob all day and my husband doesn't have to come home to a frumpy hag. You may not agree with me, but I don't consider changing from your bath robe to an old, faded pair of sweatpants and a stretched out, faded and stained t-shirt getting dressed in the morning. Unfortunately for a lot of sahms, this is THE unofficial uniform. It is for me at least. I think we (I) can do better. But sadly, this is all I have. I either have a lot of nice dress clothes or a lot of really crappy old clothes that one should only be wearing when they're sick in bed looking like death warmed over. That's the only occasion appropriate for most of my "casual" clothes. So, I'm going to put those aside for when I start working out, and go out and try to find some reasonably priced casual shirts and pants. And Lord knows I need some jeans that fit! I'm not sure what Lane Bryant did to their jeans since they changed all the sizing and whatnot, but I can't find a single pair that fit right. I have two pair of dark washed jeans and both of them are falling off of me. I can stick my whole arm down the back of my pants they're so big! But if I try on a size smaller, they don't fit. I'm not sure what's up with that, but I need some jeans! Or, I need to lose 20 lbs so I can fit into some of my smaller jeans. That sounds like a plan and a goal for February!

So anyway, that's what's on my mind tonight. I'll be back this week in full force. A lot of good things are happenin' and I'm jumping into some new endeavors, so stay tuned!

We're blasting out of sahmbie mode in February!!!!

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Rule of Life #137

I love when Olivia does her "rules of life," but I came up with one of my own.

Rule of Life #137:
Never start a diet when you're PMSing. You're almost certainly doomed to fail!

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Finding Motivation

My husband and I decided to get out of the house this afternoon and take the baby to the mall to run around in the little play area that they have set up for toddlers (yes, this play area is for TODDLERS and small children! I hate it when there are older kids running around in there. See my post on this topic at Happily Home.)

Anyway, as we were walking around the mall, I noticed that they were already putting out Spring fashions! This jerked a knot in my tail for sure! I thought, "Oh my! In no time, it will be Spring, then in no time it will be Summer and Fall, then back to exactly where I am now...Winter!" I had a moment of clarity and realized that if I wanted any results at all this time next year, I'm going to have to start making changes NOW. Little deposits that will pay off big rewards in the end...that's what it's going to take. Wouldn't it be great if next year, I could waltz into my favorite store, White House Black Market (I would be waltzing and dancing on air if I could fit into their clothes!) and buy something like this to actually wear?

Right now, the only store I shop at is Lane Bryant. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm thankful for that store. It's one of the few stores for plus size women that sell anything remotely fashionable. But hasn't every "bigger" girl dreamed of being able to graduate from Lane Bryant to an Ann Taylor or a Banana Republic or White House Black Market? If you don't, then I'm sooooo glad that you accept and love yourself in your plus sizes. That kind of confidence is amazing. But I'd venture to guess that most of us girls wish with all our hearts that we didn't ever have to set foot in another Lane Bryant ever again! I do.

So here are a couple more winter fashions from White House Black Market that are out right now that I'd like to be wearing this time next year. The exciting thing is this doesn't have to be just a dream. I could totally be there next year!

This is sassy! Totally me!

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Check this Out

I'm not sure what happened to the post from never showed up in my RSS feed (I think that's what it's called)

So here is yesterday's post, "Sad or Saucy", which I thought was quite funny (you won't believe the hair I had!). Please read!

Friday, January 15, 2010

Sad or Saucy?

This post sort of ties in with yesterday's (does yesterday show ownership, hence using an apostrophe? I'm not sure? LOL) I talked about whether it was important or not to dress up to look cute just to stay at home. I came to the conclusion that yes, getting dressed, neatly fixing your hair, brushing your teeth and moisturizing your face and lips is important. After reading a lot of your comments, I also feel like it's a good thing to maybe dab on some lipstick or fluff up my hair before my man comes home. After all, he's had a hard day already, why should he have to come home to Brunhilde? I'll try these things in the days to come and let you know how it goes. My hubby had to work late tonight, so I've had some extra time to spruce up the house, making sure everything is neat. I sat out his favorite Chai tea to have ready when he gets home and I even turned on the hot tub and laid out some towels. Oh yes...I can be awesome when I want to be!

But there are more days than not, that I just cannot pull it together. I feel frumpy, sad, boring, and just not fun to be around. Sometimes I feel like I've completely lost is my saucy, fun, girlie side. I used to laugh...a lot. Just ask any of my girlfriends. I used to be the crazy one of the group who would do or say almost anything and was always acting silly.

My friend Kim, who I twirled with (I was a majorette) in high school recently said this on facebook, talking about this pic of my big hair! And I also included a pic of us girls at majorette camp.

Yup, I remember THIS Angie...oh the cans of hairspray we went through in the bathroom before the basketball games! I remember April teasin' Tonya's hair to Jesus on the bus...and I can still smell the Aussie:) Oh and I remember everyone saying, "Oh man, Angie's gonna start singin' as soon as we get on the bus," and of course, she did. Who knew we would actually like the sound of her singing 15 years later?! She always had an amazing voice, and we kept trying to get her to shut up! OK, one last walk down memory lane: I remember walking into the band room and Angie was in there, by herself, singing the National Anthem. I didn't tell her then, but I remember thinking, "Wow, she can REALLY sing!" Oh, and her laugh...she would laugh until she cried, and I think I figured out where Gabby got her Peppa Pig snort from:)

And I think...God, where did that girl go? I liked her. She was so fun and warm. She enjoyed life. Where did she go?

This Angie doesn't feel much like laughing, kidding around or doing anything that makes her feel girlie or fun. I feel like a big ol' sad, slob. No where near cute. But really, I'm a big girlie-girl. I love perfume and make-up, like to curl my hair and paint my nails. This is also one of the things my husband loves about me.

So, I've decided to list a few things that make me feel good and smile. I'm going to take it slow and incorporate all of these things into my life eventually. But for now, I'm just going to pick a couple to try to work on doing to make me feel good. I need these little things to help me stay motivated so that doing the hard stuff won't seem so bad. In my weekly schedule, I've deemed Saturday night, "beautification" night, where I'll condition my hair or apply a mask, moisturize or paint my nails...whatever.

Favorite, Fun, Girlie Things

Wearing make-up
Curling my hair
Wearing pearls
Painting my nails
Dove Chocolates
Nice underwear
Dangling earrings
Red Lipstick
Wearing heels
Wearing my Tiffany bracelet
My big diamond ring (the setting needs fixed)
Having lunch with girlfriends
Telling jokes
Laughing out loud
A great face mask
A healthy fruit smoothie
Chick flicks
Strappy sandals
A great dress
Getting dressed up
A great date with my man
Rockin' out to some 80's music

Thursday, January 14, 2010

To Be Cute or Not To Be Cute? That is the Question.

Getting all dressed up feels good, but is it necessary every day?

Today I had to run some errands (thank God!) and was so happy because I haven't been out of the house, except to go to church in days and days. It's just been too cold to get the baby out. But today, it felt like summer compared to the freezing weather we've been having, even though the temps were only in the 40's. So, we got all dressed up and headed downtown!

It felt good to get all dolled up. To slather on some nice, smelly lotions, to put on my pretty strand of pearls that go so nicely with my hot pink sweater. But one thing I've become aware of, is that when I get all cute, I'm completely useless the rest of the day. I mean, there's no way I'm doing housework with nice clothes on, pearls and a full face of make-up! How did June Cleaver do it? I either want to hop in the car and go somewhere, or meet up with a girlfriend for lunch or go out with my man or something. This cuteness shouldn't be wasted on sitting around the house or on dusting and vacuuming. Needless to say, when I get dressed up, I run the roads and almost always spend money (which I can't afford to do right now).

So, what I've realized just today is that I can quit beating myself up for not getting fixed up every day. It's really not necessary if you are just hanging out around the house. For one thing, you're wasting make up and we all know how expensive make-up is nowadays. Not only are we wasting make-up, we also use up hair products (also expensive), perfumes (the kind I wear, Coco, is REALLY expensive) and those nice lotions from Victoria's Secret and Bath and Body Works. Now, maybe some of ya'll can afford to go through all these products and use them every single day, whether you're going someplace or not. And I say, "Go for it! That's great!" But I just simply can't. So, again, why get all worked up because I'm not getting dressed up everyday when #1. It's not necessary and #2. I can't afford it.

But that begs the question, "What is the middle ground?" To be a sahmbie slob, hanging out in pj's all day with narry a hair on your head head touched by a brush (that's Southern talk)? Or to be fully dressed to shoes (as Fly Lady says), make-up flawless, hair combed and curled and pearls gleaming around your neck? Where is the compromise?

Well, first of all, I believe that one of the benefits of being able to stay home, as opposed to working every day, is the luxury of NOT having to wear shoes. I know it's a Fly Lady tenant, as it makes you feel as if you have purpose when you have on your lace-up shoes. But I draw the line at wearing tennis shoes in the house all day. My feet get hot and it just doesn't feel right. Were ya'll raised to not wear shoes in the house? I was, so wearing them just feels unnatural. But I don't think it's ok (although I do it more times than not) to wear pajamas all day either. When you don't care enough to get yourself dressed in the morning, you really do feel sort of worthless and lazy (at least I do). I mean, come on. There's no excuse for it (talking to myself here)!

So what's the answer? What are some baby steps, and easy routines that I can follow to get myself going in the morning to get me out of sahmbie mode? First of all, have some clothes laid out, and get dressed. That's just non-negotiable. I'm going to follow my friends Patricia ("In My Free Time") and Nan's ("Mom's the Word") advice when they said to just focus on washing and moisturizing your face, brushing your teeth and hair and putting something on your lips first thing in the morning. I think for just hanging out around the house, that seems appropriate, don't you think? I mean, what high standard am I holding myself to anyway? Those cutesie little moms who wear pearls and frilly little aprons everyday? Again, if you do that and that makes you feel good, then who am I to stop you? Keep on doing what you're doing if it works for you. But I just can't sustain that level of perfectionism. I can barely get up enough gumption to put on deodorant, let alone heels and pearls! That's my middle ground. Get dressed, and follow through with teeth, hair, face and lips (oh and some deodorant wouldn't hurt). There's just no excuse for not doing those few things for myself everyday.

So anyway, just some things that I'm thinking about today, as I snuggle down on the couch. Because, in all my cuteness, I'm no good for anything else (well, until my man comes home from work...heehee)!

ps. If you keep up with my food and exercise journal, then you know...I aint trying very hard on that front. But for some reason, I've lost 5 lbs and am almost out of the 280's. This motivates me more than you know! I may just take a walk around the block later since these 40 degree temperatures feel like summer and all! LOL

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

In a Fog

Hi everyone. I happened to look at this blog last night and realized that I hadn't posted anything since the episode with the laundry on Saturday. Sorry about that.

I feel like I've been in a fog this week. I feel very unmotivated, tired, have been forgetting things, have been sleeping (a lot) and have just felt, well, like a sahmbie (you still know what this means, right? stay-at-home-mom zombie).

This is not unnatural for me. This is how I am. So changing it, getting out of those habits will be the hard part. I have a feeling, at least here at first, that I'll have more days of being a zombie mom than that upbeat, motivated, up and ready to go woman that I'm trying to be. But one thing that is being made more and more clear, especially by so many of you, is that these are really just bad habits that can be changed with some diligence, over time. So many of you have emailed me or have commented saying that you were once in my shoes, feeling lost, unmotivated, uninspired and basically a mess...but you got out of it. It's that hope, that I can join the ranks of those who've overcome the doldrums of being a sahm, that keep me going and moving forward. I can do this.

And I'm going to start by marching into the bathroom and brushing my teeth. I kind of don't want to because I haven't eaten yet. But, I'm going to wash my face, put on some deodorant, brush my teeth, comb my hair, put on some clothes and get my day started. I don't know what will come next, but at least I will have done something for myself and my personal hygiene (LOL). Hopefully those few steps in the right direction will lead to more good things around here.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

My Husband is Amazing

This is a little addendum to yesterday's post...I feel bad for putting my husband down...he certainly doesn't deserve it. So, let me make something clear, because I was indeed aggravated last night and pretty much whining and venting, but


The few clothes of his I WAS folding, I must've picked up and washed by accident. I was aggravated because I was sitting there for a long time, and he didn't offer to help. But then, I thought of all the times he's walked in from working a 16 hour day to see me, still undressed, house a mess, nothing fixed for dinner, plastered to the couch, and I've seen his countenance sink because I didn't put forth any effort for him.

If I gave anyone the impression that my husband doesn't help me around the house or with our baby, please let me set it right...he's AMAZING to me!

Friday, January 8, 2010

A Mixed Bag

As I sit here on the couch, laptop in my lap (duh), I am surrounded, almost overcome by mountains of folded clothes that need to find a home in an empty drawer, clothes that need to be hauled off to Goodwill, and ratty stuff that just needs thrown away. I folded clothes in the living room floor while watching TV until my back hurt. Now I'm just sitting in the middle of the piles, praying for the gumption to put them away. Probably won't happen. They'll probably sit here until tomorrow morning when I'm forced to put them away because if I don't, the baby will just gleefully jump in and throw them all over the place like she's in a giant pile of nicely raked leaves, ruining all of my hard work.

Well, the sad truth is they've just been transformed from piles and piles of unfolded clothes in the laundry room to piles and piles of folded clothes in the living room. I just hope and pray they don't remain in here for months, like they did in the laundry room. Really ya'll, I've been sorting, sifting and pilfering through those piles of clean clothes looking for something to wear for a couple of months now. I was following the "wash a small load every day" rule, but not folding and putting them away like your supposed to. So, needless to say, chaos set in.

But really, I know no different. My whole life was lived this way. We had a big laundry room and all the clothes that my mother washed for her family of five would end up piled in front of the dryer. You can imagine what a giant pile it was! I spent many a cold, rushed morning sifting through that pile trying to find something to wear to school. Not to mention sifting through the shoe closet (yes a whole closet full of mangled, tangled shoes for a family of five) for a matching pair of shoes...I hated that. But every few weeks, my mom would get it in her head that she wanted that laundry room cleaned out, so she would call my sister and I into the living room on a Saturday night to fold all those clothes in front of the TV that my dad was watching (usually some boring, adult, dad type fishing or hunting show that no respectable kid would be caught dead watching). Sometimes it would take hours for me, my sister and my mom to fold those clothes. It always bugged me that my dad would just sit there in his recliner enjoying his show while we slaved! Huh. Sort of like it bugged me tonight, that my husband just laid on the couch and watched some stupid show while I worked for close to 2 hours folding his underwear and t-shirts. It's so weird isn't it? The more things change, the more things stay the same.

I'm almost in tears realizing that I carry so many of the same habits and am repeating so many of my parents' behaviors that I loathed so much as a child. I don't want that for my daughter. Right now she loves sneaking into the laundry room and having a blast wallowing in those piles and playing. But there's going to be a morning not so far off, when she's late for school, the bus is barrelling down the street, and she's yelling, "Mom, I can't find that t-shirt I was supposed to wear for school spirit day, where is it?" And I yell out, "I washed it, look in the laundry room." Then her heart sinks because she knows she has to spend the next who-knows-how-long going through throngs of clothes and clothes and more clothes looking for that t-shirt (can we say, "unresolved issues?")! We're headed down that path if mommy doesn't get it together.

All this brings me to the title of this post. I have accomplished some things this week; tackling an unfinished project, getting the Christmas stuff packed away, swishing and swiping, hanging more pictures and of course, folding that mountain of clothes tonight. Yes, I've done some good things. But ya'll, I've been a real sahmbie this week too. I've spent a lot of time plastered to the couch in my pj's, unkempt and unmotivated. I haven't exercised one time since I came home from my parents (if you remember, I was walking on their treadmill every night), and my teeth and hair haven't seen a brush this week more days than I care to admit. But I am admitting it.

What do I do?? This is me. This is what I do year, after year, after year. How do you change who you are...what you are? That same little girl who resented every Saturday night spent in the floor folding mountains of clothes is a 34 year old woman who just spent her Friday night resenting every minute on the floor folding a mountain of clothes. I'm just puzzled? Why do we do this? I won't even begin to try to answer that question here, but will pray and ask God for the strength to change...again.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Burst of Unexpected Energy

I got this strange burst of energy at like 5 pm last night and just started putting away the Christmas stuff that had been lying around (remember, I had also made curtains...what the heck got into me?).

Once I started, it only took about an hour to get everything packed away (now its sitting in the sun room awaiting my husband to carry it out to the storage building, but at least it's up off the floor!).

My husband smiled as soon as he walked through the door and said, "The house looks nice." I felt so bad for him having to look at that crap every day after a hard day at work. But it's done now, so yay me (us)! Here are some before and afters.


So much stuff on this floor you couldn't even move around!

Ahhh, clean!

A clean floor...nice.

A cleared off table.

So there...that wasn't so bad.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

A Little Project Perks Me Up!

Nothing like a project for beating the sahmbie blues!

(I'm also including this post on my other blog, "Happily Home.")

I looked at the big mess in my dining area (Christmas stuff still not put away) and saw that big pile of cut up curtains I started to work on like 3 weeks ago. I was sad because yet again I had put off doing something that I started (blah).

But I decided that I had to start on something, it all had to get done eventually, so I chose to work on the curtains (probably not my husband's first choice...he looks at that pile of Christmas stuff everyday when he comes in from work and just sighs).

See the the old ones here?

I had a lot of trouble finding curtains when I moved. The only pattern and colors I found that I liked were these red striped tab tops from Walmart. But they still weren't just right because they were too long and got bunched up behind the couch. I wanted something that didn't darken my living room so much and were shorter. So, I started cutting on the ones I had...and then put it down for 3 weeks. lol

I don't have a sewing machine, so I've always used Stitch Witchery or Heat and Bond for making hems and cleaning up frayed edges. So today, I got out my ironing board, my Heat and Bond tape, the scissors and the curtains and just started.

I got one panel done and realized that it was completely wrong (I had tried to cut a mirror image, but had the fabric turned the wrong way, so I had two diagonal panels that were exactly the same...ughh)! I was about to throw in the towel but decided to try to work with it. Once I worked with the side pieces and got them right, I realized the center pieces were way shorter than I had envisioned. But I hung them up anyway to sort of get a feel for where I needed to make additional alterations. But to my amazement, when I got them all up together, it didn't look half bad! I actually really liked them!

My child has broken the mini-blinds in several places. lol
I think it's time for some new ones.

See the Christmas tree still up?

And I still wish the middle panels were longer, but I can live with them the way they are. They don't look too bad in person.

So project down, putting away the Christmas stuff to go.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Just a Little Update

I got dressed today, brushed my teeth and combed my hair (yay for personal hygiene...isn't it just sad that I find this to be such an accomplishment?), swished and swiped, unloaded the dishwasher, wiped down the stove and counters, and of course have done all the things necessary to make sure my baby isn't climbing the walls or fainting from hunger (oh, and she refuses to take a nap today...ughh!).

I still woke up this morning in a funk, but have tried to be positive. It also doesn't help when you have stomach issues (you don't want to know).

One thing that bugs me about writing all this is I feel like I'm whining...I hate that.

Monday, January 4, 2010

This is the Post I Dreaded

I guess getting honest means that you have to put it ALL out there, even when everything goes wrong.

It all started with a nap.

The morning was off to a pretty good start. I swished and swiped the bathroom, brushed my teeth, got dressed, fed the baby breakfast and snacks and had been working on my weekly home blessing hour. I'm happy to say that I checked off quite a bit on my list, but didn't finish it.

As soon as I wrote on facebook that I was getting ready to start cleaning, I felt my spirit and enthusiasm start to sink. That's a very familiar feeling to me and it's very hard to shake. I'm not sure what it is? But it's that "dead inside" worthless feeling that won't let you just get up and get you've got slab of concrete in your britches!

But I did it. I got up and got some things accomplished. But I still felt icky.

After I put the baby down for her nap, I sat down to read and pray for a little while. When I finished, I just felt listless and exhausted, so I laid down on the couch and took a nap...a 2 hour nap! I wasn't nearly finished with my list. And 5 hours later, still haven't touched another thing.

The thing is, I felt so mad at myself, that by 3 o'clock, I broke my fast. Not because I was hungry, but because I was anxious. Not only did I break my fast, I started binge eating on anything I could get my hands on! It was pathetic.

I wish I could say that this is rare and that I NEVER do this and that I am so surprised at myself. But the sad thing is, I can't. This is the norm for me. Heck, I'm surprised when I do do the right thing. Living clean and doing what I say I'm going to do and working out and having a schedule and a routine makes my skin crawl! I really feel bad when I'm doing those things and resent every minute...but I feel bad when I don't do them. Isn't it crazy? I've tried to explain this before and it's not easy to explain. All I can say is that I'm at war with my flesh and my stubborn will, and they are used to getting their way!

So here I am, so down about losing it today that I don't want to exercise or do anything else the rest of the night but take a shower and go to bed. The thing that gets me is that I'm not even a week into this thing! If I'm going to do this for a year, how many more days will I have like this one? Will I get to Jan. 1, 2011 and say, "Well, I gave it my best try, but I'm just destined to be a couch potato sahmbie for the rest of my life?" I'm not sure yet...but at this rate, it's looking like that just may be the case.

Another Change and How to Gauge Computer Time

We rolled into town from a visit with my family around 8pm. I was FREEZING! I complained about the cold all weekend, and when we walked into our house, it was freezing as well! But we ate, unpacked, got the baby ready for bed and warmed up a bit.

Well, I realized that we were out of trash bags and dish detergent and that I needed those leeks to make my broth, etc, etc. So I put on a coat and sucked it up because I knew I had to go to the store...blah.

So, I get to the store and find that they do not have leeks...WHAT?! No leeks? But I always see leeks in the produce department. Granted I've only bought leeks once my whole life, but when I DID want them, a whole bunch of them, they were no where to be found! Double blah!

So again, my fasting plans were about to change. It feels like I have some sort of enemy who's sabotaging my plans to get closer to the Lord (duh...wonder who that could be?). So as I was perusing the produce aisle, I just decided not to stress about not being able to make a leek broth, but to just do a juice and water fast instead.

I bought some of my favorite juices and distilled water and I'm going to start today anyway. So, "Ha ha enemy!" Whose plans were thwarted? Not mine!

But I've been sitting here, sipping my juice and typing for 40 minutes now. I really need to decide when is the best time in my schedule to work on the computer? Flylady suggests that you should use computer time as a reward after you've completed all of your morning routines. I think that's a great idea...but I have a bad habit of just jumping on right when I get up and staying on for a couple of hours. By the time noon rolls around, I find that I haven't done anything to the house and haven't even gotten dressed. And while this blog is definitely serving to keep me accountable (I'm already feeling it). I don't want the time I spend writing it to interfere with making real changes in my life. Just another glitch that I have to iron out.

When do you get on the computer? Do you give yourself a set time every day? Are you logging on throughout the day? Do you get on in the morning or at night? Please share what you do or any suggestions you may have.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Change of Plans

One thing I'm going to try to do on this year long journey is to try not to beat myself up when there is a glitch in the play book. We spend far too much time in guilt mode when really, we should just expect these things, and not get all bent out of whack, and blame ourselves for life's hiccups.

With that said, I also think we can go to the extreme with this (like I often do as well) and use life's hiccups to make excuses for not doing things that we didn't want to do in the first place. For instance, using the "I just got unexpectedly busy and didn't have time" excuse for not working out. Or, "I didn't know they were bringing Krispy Kremes to the office this would have been rude not to take one (or 3)."

So, I just wanted to let you know that I was going to start a 3 day fast today, but in light of this unexpected trip to visit the family, my husband and I decided to start on Monday the 4th. In the past I would've felt really guilty about this, but I've grown in that respect some over the years. I know in my heart that this isn't an excuse to get out of fasting. We really did sort of just decide to visit our families on the fly because they were so disappointed that they didn't get to see the baby much over Christmas. And beginning a time of fasting and prayer while visiting relatives is just a silly idea.

Friday, January 1, 2010

Off to a Good Start

We decided on the fly today to go visit mg parents in Eastern Kentucky for the weekend since Christmas was so rushed and we had to stay in a hotel because no one had power, etc.

So, it's nothing for me to leave on a week's vacation with a sink full of dishes, food and garbage sitting out, a messy house and dirty bathroom. I know some of you would rather die than leave for any period of time with your house in such disarray, but it's nothing for me.

But today, I'm requiring more of myself, so I cleaned the kitchen, swished and swiped the bathroom, picked the toys up off the floor and straightened the pillows and got myself ready, red lipstick and all.

I plan on taking a 30 minute walk later on today. Check out my other blog to see my food and exercise journal. (please forgive all this underlining...I'm not sure why it's doing this)

So here are pics of my relatively clean house...yay me!

I know Fly Lady insists that you shine your sink before bed each night, but shining up this stove makes me smile a whole lot more...have I mentioned that having a smooth top stove is a pain in the butt?!

So here I am all ready to go! I am not a natural beauty ya'll. I definitely benefit from a little "paint on the barn" if you know what I mean...see the difference (and I used a full body shot just to keep it real).

No wonder I feel crappy when I don't get dressed and fix myself up a little...I'm a scary hag otherwise! LOL

Me and my sweet girl!