Struggling

Just wanted to let you know that I'm really struggling with the eating thing. I'm not even remotely trying to control it or change anything about it. It's getting worse actually. I'm not surprised by this. It happens every time. I try to change just a little and do better and I take 100 steps backward. I had lost a few pounds (from the stomach flu) and kept them off for about a month, but have gained back everything and am back where I was when I started this blog on January one. This is a pic of me out to dinner with my hubby on Feb. 14th, Valentines Day (rockin' the pink sweater and pearls again!)


I was hoping to have lost some weight before the spring. We were going to FINALLY have a family portrait made. Can you believe my husband and I have not had our picture made together since we were engaged back in 1996? And we haven't had a picture made together with our baby yet either? The sad truth is, it's all because I don't want to be photographed this fat! I know that sounds ridiculous. I mean, my daughter deserves to see her family together in pictures when she's older. It's just another part of the whole, "not living" thing. Not getting out there, not being present, not fully enjoying life...hiding all the time. But again, that's why I'm doing this blog. To get real, to put it out there and finally shed some light on all this darkness once and for all. I just need your prayers right now guys. I'm really struggling and feel defeated in this area. Your prayers are much appreciated and valued!

Now, on the upside, I am enjoying moving and exercising. Maybe it's because the weather has just been so gloomy lately that it feels good to get my blood flowing! Today it was a little sunny for the first time in many weeks and I wanted to go for a walk so bad, but of course, there's the baby factor. There's still no way I'm getting her out in 30 degree weather. But working out at home is proving fun until it gets warm outside.

I'm also proud of some of the strides I've made in my housekeeping. I've been doing some productive things very consistently that have made a difference in my home, like picking up around the house every time I'm up, even if it's just one toy or throwing away a little trash, it's helping. And I also got my room cleaned up, boxes unpacked and put away and have been making the bed every day. It looks really pretty in there! At my old house, the bedroom stayed "unfinished" for 6 years. It was a shame because we had a nice bedroom. I vowed that I would put some effort into making our bedroom comfortable and inviting AND CLUTTER FREE in this new house. And I've done it! It feels good. And I think my husband appreciates that it's calming when he comes in from work and gets undressed in there. I've even noticed that instead of draping his clothes over the stationary bike (which I removed) or over the dresser mirror, he is putting them away. Does anyone else's hubby do that? So, I'm doing some things that I'm proud of and it's not all bad.