Wednesday, February 3, 2010

I Hardly Even Had Time to CLIMB Onto the Wagon...

....before I miserably fell off! Today has been a horrible food day for me. I haven't had one of these ALL DAY binges in a LONG time! And I just posted hardly 24 hours ago that I was going to get this eating under control this month. Ughh! Frustrating!

But I will say this...I am truly an emotional eater! I've been dealing with a lot lately, and I think it's getting to me. Is it because my husband is mad at me right now? Is it because I started a new business and am scared of failing? Is it because I'm trying to whip my flesh into submission and it (I) doesn't like it one bit? Is it because this is the 4th day in a row that I haven't done the dishes? Maybe it's those unpleasant visions and dreams of the past that constantly fill my mind. Is it that I just feel totally guilty and disappointed in myself for being less than I know I can be? And on top of all this...I feel like a big, fat baby for whining. There are a lot of people out there who have bigger problems than I have. I shouldn't be complaining, or drowning my self-indulgent sorrow in guacamole! Get a grip and get some perspective Angie!

Well, on the bright side...it's only Feb. 3rd, right? I've got the whole month to make up for this blunder of a bad day. Ughh! But do you know what sucks? February's the shortest month of the year! I have a less than 3 weeks to get it together! But get it together I must!!! I feel like I'm going crazy ya'll!

Prayer...need lots of prayer....and a lock on the fridge!

7 comments:

P@nmyfreetime.blogspot.com said...

so are we on the same (woman ~ pms) schedule... ??

i have not even posted how i have been doing because well... i did great for the first 3 weeks and then just okay and today... well i just don't know!

i hear ya though loud and clear... i nodded my head as i rea your post!

i watched oprah today and she had on ruby... did you happen to see it?
she made me wonder and to think. i dwell so much on the past... i have to learn to leave it be and to take each day one step at a time.


and like you i worry about failing all the time.

sometimes i have it together and sometimes it falls into a million pieces at my feet.


i am not so much looking for perfection any more ... just looking for peace and stability.

i pray for you angie... may God hold your hand when you need Him to and may He carry you when you are in doubt!

you deserve this!

God Bless
XO
patricia

momstheword said...

I've heard that some people make up "rules" for eating, in order to try and curb their desire to snack.

For instance, you could make yourself brush your teeth before (or after) every time you eat. That means, if you want to eat some chocolate, you have to go to all the trouble to brush your teeth.

I've also heard of people who set the table and eat at the table. Which means if you want a handful of chips, or chocolate, you have to set the table first.

For me, writing down what I eat seems to help. That means you have to write down everything. Sometimes I don't want to write down that I ate a handful of m&ms so that will keep me from eating them.

However, I did eat two Krispy Kreme donuts today and I had no trouble mentioning them on facebook, lol!

I want to lose 20 pounds too. I keep forgetting to go to the blog that I told you about, lol!

Former Donut Junkie said...

Well, you're certainly not alone trying to climb on and hang on to the wagon. There are lots of us who struggle with just such eating behaviors as a binge day. I still have one occasionally myself, but not nearly as many as I had 3 years ago.

So, my advice (you knew that was coming didn't you). Don't expect to completely whip misbehavin' flesh into submission in 30 days, or this case the short month of February. It has taken years to develop all our hard-core bad eating behaviors, and hard-core they are! And I've never known anyone who has managed to defeat them in a few short days. It takes time to develop new healthy habits so don't beat yourself up when you have a bad day. Get back up, dust yourself off and go at it again.

I decided a long time ago that this is a life-time marathon and it won't be finished til we leave this planet. I know of no one who does everything in life perfectly. In every facet of life we make mistakes. It's best to just try to learn from them, put them behind us and start over.

And remember, when you received salvation, it was your spirit that was redeemed, not your flesh! It has to be whipped into submission using the spiritual weapons that God gave us. Look at some (actually most) of the folks in the Bible. Many who God used greatly had some pretty nasty encounters with their dirty, rotten, stinkin' flesh and it's evil desires. And when I think of that I have hope. And so should you!

OK, sorry for the long comment but I really do feel your pain on this one and just had to share my feelings on it. Hope this helps. I never, ever want to condemn and criticize. You can do this...give yourself some time and pat yourself on the back for the days you do have success.

Ron, aka The Former Donut Junkie

Darcie said...

This is not only DAY by DAY...but MEAL by MEAL, SNACK by SNACK. I sometimes hate the relationship I have with food, I dread that I have to give it so much thought...but we have to. Not to be model thin, but plain and simple...to be healthy.

Even though you fell off the wagon yesterday, you know what my dear...the wagon is still there today so climb on-a-board...and hold on tight. I know you can do it!!!!

I got your package...need to email you...will do that later today. :-)

Christina Land said...

okay....I know I haven't seen you in forever, Angie. But I've been following your blog and I honestly cannot watch you go through this anymore without saying what's in my heart. And I say this with all the love that God has for you through me......I'm not sure where to begin so I'll just start by telling you this. I attend a Messianic Jewish congregation. (Think a Jewish synagogue that believes in Christ and you've got a pretty good idea of what I'm talking about.) I've been attending for about a year and a half now and in my studies, the one thing I've noticed is this. The old testament laws and commandments were given to us at Mount Sinai as a guideline as to how to live our lives. It was God's way of revealing Himself and His heart to us. And it was a way for us to live holy lives and be in communion with Him again like it was in the beginning with Adam and Eve. The problem? It didn't work. Now I'm not questioning the Almighty on this point, because I'm sure that when he gave us His Law, He knew that it wouldn't work the way He really wanted it to. I believe it may have been because He had to set ground work for His Son to come and die for us. If the Law had not been in place prior to Jesus' coming, then we would not have recognized Him as Messiah. But anyway, I digress....the point is that following the law did not work in most cases. There were a few that it did work on - David is an example. But even God said (and I'm paraphrasing here), your heart is far from Me. In other words, they did all the outward deeds that a good Jewish person would but it didn't transform their lives. Inside, their hearts were still black with sin and still in bondage to all manner of earthly things. But the wonderful news is that when Jesus came and lived and died for us and then rose again, He can now dwell within our hearts. The Word says that He would write His Law on our hearts. And therefore, when we give our lives over to God, we naturally begin to follow His laws and commandments, because it's in us. We want to. It changes everything about us. It transforms us day by day, minute by minute into our Savior....I say all this to say this. I don't think it's a matter of you whipping your flesh and conquering it. We are flawed. We are imperfect. And we have no control over our fleshly desires. Because most of our fleshly desires are put there by our enemy.

Christina Land said...

continued...And we as mere carnal humans have no power over Satan. It seems you are attempting to overcome your failures and faults by your own power. And it can't be done. It's impossible. But if you are having problems. If you look at your life and see it and know that this is not the life that God has given you. And if you have become so sick of it that you are like God when He says He cannot stand lukewarm and He will just spew you out of His mouth. If you have gotten to the point where you look at your life and you are so sick of mediocrity and coasting along and just getting by that it makes you sick to your stomach. Then fall on your face before God, confess your sins to Him, beg Him to help you, and then wait on His Spirit to transform your life. Confess whatever it is in your life that it keeping you from being what God has ordained you to be from the beginning...whatever it is. If you are overweight, look it straight in the face and call it what it is. Confess to God the sin of gluttony. And pour your heart out to Him as to your feelings and emotions surrounding your overeating....is there discord in your marriage? Then is it a problem of submission on your part or a problem of your husband not loving you as Christ loved the church? If it's with you, then confess and admit your rebellion to God's ordained order of things. If it's your husband, then pour out your heart to God as to what's going on....if you are having problems being the Proverbs 31 wife God wants you to be, then confess that too.....whatever it is, Angie, confess it to God and let Him transform you within. You have no power over your flesh without God. And I've watched you blog for a couple months now and I can't stand to see you beat yourself up whenever you fail. Your issues will not be solved from the outside in, but rather from the inside out.....now this is all very simple and I know that you know all this. It's something Pastor Barry taught all the time. And I don't want to make you feel like I'm bashing you over the head or insulting your intelligence. That was not my intent at all. It's just I can't stand by and watch a sister in the Lord struggle so much with something if maybe I can encourage her somehow. And I pray that I've just done that and this will be received in the way I intended it.....God bless and I pray you find your shalom, your peace that you seek....Christina Land

Angie said...

No I haven't seen you in forever! But I do keep up with you on fb...and I saw that your sister got married. Tell her I said hello. And thank you Christina...you are an encouragement. You have such a kind spirit and I appreciate that you read my blog and felt the need to reach to me in such a sweet way.

Let me make something clear, ok? This blog is sort of just an online journal for me, that not only allows me to write my thoughts and feelings on my life, but to keep me accountable to who ever decides to read. And I really appreciate that you read it! It's meant to be personal, funny, silly sometimes, and a safe, free place for me to express myself. It's not meant to be ALL serious, ALL the time. It's meant to be light and fun at times...especially this post! lol

The whole reason I decided to do something this extreme was because I was tired of looking all "OK" on the outside, but a mess on the inside. I wanted to get real and show the ugly, the sad, the flawed, the disobedience and the sin and what it can do to a person...to me. I wanted to get this stuff out of the dark places where it has been residing for so long and put them out into the light to be exposed. You know, God wants ALL of us. And in our weakness (my weakness) He is made strong. Please know that I have been going to Him and asking Him to forgive the sin and heal the hurts, and He is. But this blog is just my space to be able to explain that process.

Please don't feel bad for me. Just pray for God to do His work. I understand that this "becoming" like Christ is a life long process, like Paul says, and this race will only be won when I am with Jesus in Heaven. Until then, I want to keep seeking, keep knocking and keep allowing Him to perfect me according to His will.