Monday, February 1, 2010

New Month, New Start

I've been reflecting the past few days on what changes I've made over the course of this first month in my efforts to really change my life. I must say that I'm encouraged. I'm not quite "proud" of myself, but will acknowledge that I've made some progress.

The thing I'm most happy with is the fact that I'm "aware." It feels good to actually be conscious during the day! One of the problems with being a sahmbie, is that you feel like you're in a fog all the time. One day drags into the next and that day turns into a week and then a month. And you've felt like you've had cobwebs on your eyes the whole time because everything is a mess...your home, your body, your children, your life and you're not sure why or how you ended up there. You were present, but not aware or conscious of what chaos was going on around you. It doesn't even enter your mind some days that you need to brush your teeth. And a whole day will go by and you'll realize that you're still in your pajamas or that except to go to the bathroom and feed your child, you were planted in the same spot on the couch ALL DAY! The biggest change in me is that I'm aware of this now. My eyes are opened, my head is clear and I my resolve is strong.

I can say after this first month that I am getting dressed, brushing my teeth, taking a shower and keeping things picked up a little better around the house. I've developed some good habits and that feels good.

I also started a new business that is giving me some purpose and something to be proud of. I log onto the computer to complete trainings, am doing a lot of reading and am talking to people during the day about more than just mommy and baby stuff. That feels good too!

But during this reflection, I've seen some things that I don't like. I'm still in sort of a zombie state when it comes to my eating and I want to get out of this. I don't give hardly a thought to what I'm eating throughout the day. If you keep up with my food journal, you would see that I eat a little of this and a little of that (or a lot). A great deal of it is junk food and sodas. I am, I will admit, addicted to Coke. I try to drink Diet Coke, but it just makes me soooo thirsty! Regular Coke quenches my thirst and gives me that big shot of caffeine that I need. I truly love them, but know they are not good for me. I'm just acknowledging this right now. I'm not going to say that I'm giving them up or am even going to try to give them up. I'm just recognizing that it's an issue of mine that needs to be looked at.

So if January was the month that I had some improvements in the areas of personal hygiene and personal appearance, February is going to be the month I look at and try to work on my eating. I'm tired of eating like a 4 year old. A few goldfish crackers here, a chicken nugget there, a swig of apple juice here, a bowl of cereal there. It's sad that a 34 year old would eat this way. Again, it's about requiring more of yourself. I'm going to try, starting with my grocery store trip tomorrow. I'm making my list tonight and will try to buy some healthy (adult) foods for once instead of always concentrating on buying for the baby. She will benefit from healthy fruits and veggies in the house too!

Alright! This post made up for the neglect I've been giving this blog was a doozie! I doubt any of you read the WHOLE thing and that's ok. But just know that this is "Fabulous Food for February" month and that I'll be focusing on eating better and more healthfully!

I also want all of my readers out there to know that on days when I don't feel like doing ANYTHING, your encouragement and words of wisdom spring forth in my mind and remind me that there are a lot of folks out there rooting for me, and it keeps me going! I love you all and treasure your support!

Onward we go!

4 comments: said...

hey... i stock with you till the end!
i am proud that you are aware ~ that you are having adult conversations ~ that you are taking care of yourself as best as you can now!

you are doing great and i look forward to reading about this month!

xo patricia

Darcie said...

I read the whole thing! I think the same thing that you applied to your personal hygiene could be applied to food journey. Small steps my friend.

Ruth said...

Stop drinking the coke. You can use it as a treat but not as a regular drink. Drink iced water with a spritz of lemon or lime juice. You need the hydration that water gives. You already know that you are wasting money on a non-food AND setting a poor example for your child.
Darcie is right, small steps!

Wayne said...

I can relate! when I first read your story I thought "she's peering through my window watching me every so now I am a faithful reader and trying to apply some of the same routines in my life. and I FAIL repeatively! One thing about theCoke though I look at it as I DON'T want to DRINK my calories! and thats enough for me to drink diet ( it doesn't make me any thinner,but it's now mental) my SIL on the otherhand would rather treat her self with one every two days than drink diet:) to each their own i guess I have been trying to do more water sometimes with crystal light. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK your my inspiration!!
Thank you for posting!
Amy Green