Man...I have a lot to do!
I have to sort of close my eyes for a minute and take a breather when I think of tackling all the "mess" in my life. And I don't just mean the mess in the kitchen sink! You don't get to be 300 lbs (my heaviest weight before I was pregnant was 305 and during my pregnancy, I got up to 324...I am currently at 286, my pre-pregnancy weight) without years and years of ignoring yourself and your problems. And you don't get rooms and rooms in your house piled with "stuff" overnight. I've been a "mess" for a long time folks.
The years and years of breaking promise after promise to myself (and loved ones), that I was going to change. It wears on you. You've disappointed your own self so many times that you don't trust yourself to do anything...so you don't. Can you understand why this is terrifying? I've set out on this path more times than I can count, and have let myself down every time. I'm so disgusted with myself, yet feel like if I take that first step, it will mean I'll have to take another and another. I've required so little of myself for so long that even making small changes, like getting dressed everyday seems impossible and so foreign.
But even if I have to claw my way out of this, I will (I have a feeling there will be days when a step feels like moving lead!), because I have no other choice. It's do or die time.
Ok my head is already spinning, but I'll try to list just a couple of things that I'm going to start off with in January.
When I thought of what "long term" meant, I realized that those goals were going to be the things that probably took the whole year and would require the most diligence and discipline, two of my worst vices. So, I'm not starting out like a blast from a gun, I'm going to take it slow and incorporate small changes that will eventually turn into big ones (I hope).
I'm not changing anything about my eating for the month of January except that I will be keeping a food journal on my other new blog, "One Sahmbie's Food and Exercise Journal." If you want to keep up with it, you can read it here.
I will be incorporating 30 minutes, 5 days a week into my daily routine. This is a biggie for me...I've never been able to keep up an exercise regimen, but like I said, if I have to go kicking and screaming...I will!
I'm not sure what my fitness level will permit me to do at this time...I'm pretty out of shape. But I have a stationary bike, videos, weights, On Demand (free videos on the TV), and my own two legs and sidewalks outside. I can do SOMETHING. The important thing is to develop the habit, and that's my focus right now. I'll also be journaling about this on the other blog as well.
My home is a crazy wreck! We moved almost 3 moths ago and still the bare essentials are the only things we've unpacked. I've got several rooms where boxes are still lingering, with "stuff" strewn all around where we've gone through them to look for things, but didn't bother to put any of it away. Laziness...that's really all it is...there's no excuse for it.
So the long term goals for my home are as follows...
Make sure every drawer, every closet and every room in this house is organized and tidy and maintained on a regular basis.
Now that will have to be broken down into small "doable" tasks. For guidance in this, I'm going to rely on resources from Flylady.net. I've been reading her website and receiving her emails for a long time now, but haven't incorporated her ideas and suggestions on a regular basis. Do you see a pattern? I have a problem with following through.
She has literally "hundreds" of ideas and tasks to follow on everything from a daily routine to keeping a calendar to zone cleaning. But for now I'm just going to concentrate on her ideas for...
a morning and evening routine
the Home Blessing Hour
and doing some decluttering for 15 minutes a day
Again, I want to crawl under a rock and hide away from all this...it's very scary to me...the commitment. I don't want to fail.
Spiritual Life-Long Term
To have developed the discipline of a daily 1 hour bible study and prayer time.
Short term goal:
For January I'm going to start with 15 minutes a day.
So there you go...my goals for the month of January. I know what you're thinking...it seems like too much for someone who has done practically NOTHING for nearly 2 years...I'm thinking the same thing ya'll. But in reality, this isn't really a lot. A little exercise a little straightening of my house, and a little bit of a routine everyday.
It's not too bad...right?
What have I gotten myself into?